After the widely sloughed off Awkward Situations post, I just knew in my black little heart that it was time for more.
Buying $20 worth of lottery tickets and only winning one dollar, then not wanting to go back to same gas station and cash it in out of fear the clerk will remember my $19 loss.
Getting caught performing the Heimlich Maneuver on my pillow.
Having the squirts during a high society jewel theft.
Asking a trucker if he's "haulin' oats" and not getting a favorable response.
tip jamming.
Trying to order prime rib from a food truck at a PETA rally.
Getting caught putting one of those losing lottery tickets in a church collection plate.
Running out of sunblock and having to wear a ski mask to a public pool.
Buying beer for teenagers who later judge me for doing so.
Having to explain why I stole the identity of an unemployed barber.
Betting a toddler five dollars he can't eat a whole can of Play-Doh and losing. Who do I pay up to? The kid? His parents? The Walmart security guard that handcuffed me with zip ties? No one tells you how to deal with this shit.
Craving a taco but only having peanut butter and tortillas in the house. Then taking the lie to my grave that I was satisfied with the results.
Have an awkward situation you want to share? Great! Bottle it up for 25 years then cheat on your spouse and lease a new Toyota Tundra (or it's 2036 equivalent)!
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